1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde.
-Dolly Parton

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
-Rita Rudner

4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
-Rita Rudner

5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman

6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- Erma Bombeck

7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton

8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr

9. I think-therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-

10. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler

11. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson

12. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.

-Gilda Radner

13. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher

14. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem

16. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
-Marie Corelli

17. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
-Baroness Edith Summerskill

18. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee

19. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

20. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt -