Acura Integra- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

Acura Legend- I'm to bland for German cars.

Acura NSX- I am impotent.

Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires.

Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Caddilac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.

Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating the hell out of people.

Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette- I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

Chevrolet Suburban- I sell illegal firearms.

Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

Datsun 280Z- I have a kilo of Cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Dart- I teach Third Grade Special Education and I voted for Eisenhower.

Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart).

Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in the school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow down to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.

Geo Storm- I will start 11th grade in the fall.

Geo Tracker- I will start 12th grade in the fall.

Honda Del Sol- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit.

Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse- I do not give a damn about J.D. Power and his reports.

Jaguar XJ6- I am so rich I pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia- I learned nothing about the failure of Dihatsu Corporation.

Lamborghini Countach- I have only one testicle.

Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and TV dinners.

Lamborghini Diablo- If you look at my car I will eat your soul.

Mercury Grand Marquis- (See Lincoln Town Car).

Mercedes-Benz SL500- I will beat you up if you ask for my autograph.

Mercedes-Benz S500- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son names Cole.

Mercedes-Benz S600- I am a drug dealer.

Mazda Miata- I do not fear being decapatated by an eighteen-wheeler.

MGB- I am dating a mechanic.

Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it mean either.

Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce preceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole a car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.

Peugeot 505 Diesel- I'm on the EPA's most wanted list.

Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans Am- I have a Switchblade in my sock.

Porsche 911 Turbo- I have a three inch thingy.

Porsche 944-I am dating a big haired woman who would otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic).

Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than an Isuzu.

Toyota Camry- I am still in the closet.

Volkswagen Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volkswagen Cabriolet- I am still in the closet.

Volkswagen Microbus- I am tripping right now.