1. "Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit."

2. "It's been hotter'n a goat's ass in a pepper patch."

3. "She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

4. "Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'"

5. "She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."

6. "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

7. "My cow died last night so I don't need your bull."

8. "Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining."

9. "He's as country as cornflakes."

10. "This is gooder'n grits."

11. "Busier than a cat covering shit on a marble floor."

12. "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."