1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other.

2. They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.

3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rear-view mirrors, either.

4. Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.

5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you'll wind up with melted ice cream every time.