* "Eight long years of college." moaned the budding Yuppette. "And just who has it gotten me?"

* One of the professors at Vassar requested medical leave for the day. In the space listing reason for request, she put, "Perrier on the knee."

* Father: "Son, I'm very worried about you being at the bottom of your class." Son: "Don't fret Dad. They teach the same stuff to both ends."

* In a way, colleges & insane asylums are both mental institutions. The major difference being you have to show some improvement to "graduate" from an asylum.

* A student comes back to the dorm & finds his roommate near tears. "What's the matter, pal?" he asked. "I wrote home for my parents to send money so that I could buy a laptop, and they sent me the laptop." he moaned.

* The boyfriend said, "We're going to have a GREAT time Saturday. I've gotten three tickets for the big game." "Why do we need three ?" asked the girl. "They're for your Father, Mother, and kid sister." he replied.

* The college President hired a new Admissions Administrator. At the conclusion of the interview he said, "Please don't tell anyone what we're paying you." "Don't worry Sir." the new bureaucrat replied. "I'm as ashamed of my salary as you are."