A man was brought before the judge and charged with necrophilia. The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!"

The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons;

#1, It's none of your damn business;

#2, She was my wife;

and, lastly.....

#3, I didn't KNOW she was dead; she ALWAYS acted that way!"