"Yesterday, members of Congress urged Americans to remain calm and not panic, as they ran screaming down the Capitol steps."
David Letterman

"Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was only unsafe if you were an intern."
David Letterman

"Big sports news today. New world record in the 100-yard dash. It was set by 435 congressmen running from the Capitol."
Jay Leno

"The big question now is who will take power in Afghanistan once the Taliban is defeated. I was thinking, how about Al Gore? He's not doing anything, he needs a job, and he's already got the beard."
Jay Leno