Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"

Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

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A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

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Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."

Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

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Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."

Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."

Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

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I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

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Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"

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I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this:

Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

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Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."

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Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"

Tech Support: "Yeah."

Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"

Tech Support: "Uhh . . . uh . . . uh . . . yeah."

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Tech Support: "All right . . . now double-click on the File Manager icon."

Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons -- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."

Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --."

Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."

Tech Support: "Well . . . why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet . . . is 'little picture' OK?"

Customer: [click]

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Customer: "My computer crashed!"

Tech Support: "It crashed?"

Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."

Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."

Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed."

Tech Support: "Huh?"

Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. Now it doesn't work."

Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.

Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"

Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

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Seen as graffiti on whiteboard during video presentation at JavaOne conference:

if (you.canRead(this))
you.canGet(new job(!problem));