- Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

- Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.

- Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

- When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

- If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

- On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.

- A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."

- The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.

- Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.

- Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.

- The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

- Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

- How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

- When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember about Algebra.

- I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

- One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

- Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

- Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

- If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.