"This week, David Hasselhoff checked himself into the Betty Ford clinic to treat a problem with alcohol. Hasselhoff said he knew he had a problem because he thought his car was talking to him." -Conan O'Brien

"I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out." Rodney Dangerfield.

"Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck." Don Schula.

"Nobody has ever bet enough on a winning horse." Richard Sasuly.

"Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss." Jim Murray.

"Of course I have played outdoor games. I once played dominoes in an open air cafe in Paris." Oscar Wilde.

"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that." Bill Shankly.

"I failed to make the chess team because of my height." Woody Allen.

"Sure, there have been deaths and injuries in boxing, but none of them serious." Alan Winter.