After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman. "Is Mike there?" I asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up.

When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said.

"YOU'RE not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed.

"I know," he replied. That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."