Two cucumbers were sittin' around talking about how miserable their lives were. The first one said, "Everytime I get nice and firm someone comes along cuts me into little pieces and throws me in a salad."

The second one said, "You think you've got it tough. Everytime I get nice and firm someone throws me in a jar full of the foul smelling stuff and keeps me there until I'm old and withered."

A penis who happened to be listening in said, "You guys got it easy. Everytime I get nice and hard someone throws a plastic bag over my head and makes me do pushups until I puke."