I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older - then it dawned on me - they were cramming for their finals!

You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!"

I've thought about those employment applications and that blank that always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write .... A Good Doctor!

I've always wondered why they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

I thought about being rich and it don't mean so much Just look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!

If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

I wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!"

I have decided that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.

I have noticed when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you put him in a car he sticks his head out the window!

You have to fight to give a dog a bath, yet they'll sit out in the rain for hours on end.

I'm not into working out! My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I think the reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.