I've learned - that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned - that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned - that it takes years to build up trust and a minute of suspicion to destroy it.

I've learned - that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

I've learned - that you shouldn't compare yourself to others; they are more fucked up than you think.

I've learned - that it's taking me a long time to sleep with the person I want.

I've learned - you should always leave loved ones with loving words. You may need to borrow money.

I've learned - that either you control your attitude or you will be offered medication.

I've learned - that money is a great substitute for character.

I've learned - that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do so.

I've learned - that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean you can't take advantage of them when they're passed out and naked in your bed.

I've learned - that your family won't always be there for you. Unless, of course, you win the lottery.

I've learned - that no matter how good a guy is, he'll eventually revert.

I've learned - that no matter how badly your heart is broken, therapy is still expensive.

I've learned - that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned - that two people can screw the exact same person and compare notes.

I've learned - that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

I've learned - To say "Fuck them if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.