Your back goes out but you stay home

You and your teeth don't sleep together

You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you're not wearing any

At the breakfast table you hear snap,crakle,pop and you're not eating cereal

When you wake up looking like your drivers license picture

It takes two tries to get up from the couch

When you yell at your kids to "turn that darn music down"

When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio

When happy hour is a nap

When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does

When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it

When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age

You go to step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired

Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer

Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going

The pharmacist has become your new best friend

Getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot

The twinkle in your eye is only a reflection from the sun on your bifocals

The iron in your blood turns to lead in your pants

It takes twice as long to look half as good

If everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work

If your house catches fire and the first thing you grab is your metamucil

You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time

You get two invitations to go out on the same night and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there

You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good

You get to the check out line,see how long it is,and decide what you have in your buggy isn't worth the wait

You have more patience,but actually it's just that you don't care anymore

Rocking in a rocking chair feels like a roller coaster ride

You confuse having a 'clear conscience' with a bad memory

You finally 'get your head together' and your body starts falling apart

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it