It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers.

We do realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

SO...

TRY SAYING I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF No fucking way!!

TRY SAYING Really?
INSTEAD OF You've got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF What the fuck?!?!

TRY SAYING I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF Fuck it; it won't work.

TRY SAYING I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF Who the fuck cares?

TRY SAYING He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING Excuse me sir?
INSTEAD OF Eat shit and die motherfucker.

TRY SAYING So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF This job sucks.

TRY SAYING You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING I see.
INSTEAD OF Blow me.

TRY SAYING Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF Another fucking meeting!!!

TRY SAYING I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF He's a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING She's an aggressive go getter.
INSTEAD OF She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF You don't know what the fuck you're doing