GUNS FOR HIRE
An Arizona company specializing in staged
gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old
woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was
sentenced to four years in jail.

DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For
payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his
prison term back, plus eight more years.

YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

DEADHEADS
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for
driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four
frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.

THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.

LEARN YOUR LESSON
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic
violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from
the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to
appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit
down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red
light' five hundred times."

AHH, THAT'S BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far"
in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was
convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced
the sentence to 1,001 years.

OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative
defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and
removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself and I
fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an
offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's
imprisonment. The gentleman can accompany it or not if he so
chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance
he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and
walked out.