1. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

2. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

3. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

4. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

5. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

6. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.

7. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.