"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
-Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
- Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements.

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
- Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King.

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker.

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece.

"I've won at every level, except college and pro."
- Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships.

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
- Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrewm Golota.

"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
- Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record.

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
- Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.

"He wants Texas back."
- Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations.