Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships.
- Sharon Stone

I discovered that I scream the same way, whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white, or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
- Axl Rose

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
-Rod Stewart

Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.
- Carmen Boyle, Olympic luge gold medal winner

There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane. Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.
- Henry Kissinger

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
- Courteney Cox, as Monica on "Friends"

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
- Tiger Woods

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
- Barbara Bush

And God said, "Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan."
- George Burns

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
"Hold my purse."
- Sandra Bullock

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.
- Jack Nicholson

My girlfriend always laughs during sex no matter what she's reading.
- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
- Robin Williams

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
- Billy Crystal

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
- Robert De Niro

In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country - men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?
-Hugh Grant

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem?
- Dustin Hoffman

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, "I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
- Jerry Seinfield

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
- Robin Williams