President Bush is representing the United States of America on a highly formal, impeccably planned state visit to England.

At Heathrow, a 300-foot long red carpet is stretched out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush strides to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.

They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they board an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white matching horses. As they ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all is going well.

But suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of gastronomic flatulence ever heard in the British Empire, including Bermuda, Tortola and the Falkland Islands.

It shakes the coach. Uncomfortable, but under control, the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the whole incident but then the Queen decides that's ridiculous.

She turns to Mr. Bush and explains, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets....I'm sure you understand that there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."

George W. Bush, ever the gentleman, replies, "You Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought......you know, if you hadn't said something I would have thought it was one of the horses."