1. "Don't you have some laundry to do, or something?"

2. "No, really, I was laughing about...this joke I heard one time."

3. "Ooh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off!"

4. "You're just upset because your caboose is starting to spread."

5. "Wait a minute, I get it...What time of the month is it?"

6. "Are you gonna cry? [Force lip to quiver mockingly] Cry for your mommy?"

7. "You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?"

8. "Sorry, I was just picturing you naked."

9. "That reminds me. Next time you go to the store, could you add 'giant fricking cork' to the shopping list?"

10. "Whoa, time out, honey. Frasier's back."

11. "Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this morning."

12. "Is there any way we could do this via E-mail?"

13. "Hey, baby - if I want a lecture about commitment, I can get one from my real wife."

14. "I could so use a **** job right about now."

15. "Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.