New Drugs
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs
oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's
society....
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car
trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when
they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more
likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a
new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming
urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills
and "little accidents."
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new
hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to
noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden
urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking
this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be
continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return
limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men
want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other
family members.
FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal
gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled
for long car rides.
FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men
with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Expecially useful for men on Viagra.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in
the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs
of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects
into "special prosecutors."
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being
asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand
Jury and Presidential Strength versions.
Squish Date 06/02/1998
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