- I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

- I had amnesia once -- or twice

- I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

- Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

- All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

- I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

- If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

- What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

- They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

- Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

- Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

- Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

- What if there were no hypothetical questions?

- One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.