Red Buttons, appearing on Dennis Miller's Show, announced he was 80 years old but that 80 is not "old." Red explained:

"Old" is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"Old" is when the porn you bring home is "Debby Does Dialysis."

"Old" is when your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

"Old" is when a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car.

"Old" is when you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

"Old" is when your wife says "let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "honey, I can't do both!"