- Personally, I think today's kids ought to do something really special for their Mothers on Mother's Day -- like move out !

- If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands ?

- A single Mom was asked by a friend what her son was taking in college. With a sigh she replied, "Everything I have."

- Fathers -- take heart, your day is coming, and you can be sure of getting at least one thing -- the bills from Mother's Day.

- Most Mothers are always amazed when their sons/daughters marry a person with much lower mental capacity, ambition and moral standards, yet still manage to have utterly brilliant children.

- Mothers come in all shapes and sizes. For example, an Italian Mother might chastise her offspring for not eating by saying, "Eat your dinner, or I'll kill you." A Jewish Mother on the other hand would say, "Eat your dinner, or I'll kill myself."

- A daughter broke-up with her boyfriend. She asked her Mother's advice about returning the gifts he'd given her. Without a pause, her Mother replied, "Send back the stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewelry for sentimental reasons."

- If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.

- When choosing a name for your baby, go to the back door and shout it out a few times.