1) When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.

2) Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

3) The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.

4) Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.

5) Always look both ways when running a red light.

6) Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.

7) Making eye contact revokes your right of way.

8) Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell obscenities loudly and chase him back upon the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.