A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build up his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replies, "The f* cking funeral director?!!"