In a cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

In a Laundromat:
Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In a London department store:
Bargain Basement Upstairs

In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

In another office:
After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

On a church door:
This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)

Outside a second hand shop:
We exchange anything­bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.

Quicksand Warning:
Quicksand.any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving his or her garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

In a health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.

Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants Please Stay in Your Car.

Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and does not know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

Notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

On a repair shop door:
We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell does not work.)