* 65F Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night

* 60F Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

* 50F Miami residents turn on the heat

* 45F Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts

* 40F You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming

* 35F Italian cars don't start

* 32F Water freezes

* 30F You plan your vacation to Australia

* 25F Ohio water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming

* 20F Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South

* 15F French cars don't start
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

* 10F You need jumper cables to get the car going

* 5F American cars don't start

* 0F Alaskans put on T-shirts

* -10 German cars don't start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink

* -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist

* -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don't start

* -25 Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going

* -30 You plan a two week hot bath
Swedish cars don't start

* -40 Californians disappear
Minnesotans button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South

* -50 Congressional hot air freezes
Alaskans close the bathroom window

* -80 Hell freezes over
Polar bears move South
Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game

* -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets