Humor Search
Home | Computer Stuff | Fun Stuff | Network Stuff | Sports Stuff | Contact



The Philosophy of Single Men

Answering that age old question, "Why Didn't He Call?":

Guys are born with a fundamental, genetically transmitted mental condition known to psychologists as: "The Fear That If You Get Attached to a Woman, Some Unattached Guy, Somewhere, Will Be Having More Fun Than You". This is why all married guys assume that all unmarried guys lead lives of excitement involving hot tubs full of naked international fashion models; whereas in fact for most unmarried guys, the climax of the typical evening is watching an infomercial for Hair-in-a-Spray can while eating onion dip straight from the container. (This is also true of married guys, although statistically they are far more likely to be using a spoon.) So guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments, or even to take steps that might lead to commitment.

This is why, when a guy goes out on a date with a woman and finds himself really liking her, he often will demonstrate his affection by avoiding her for the rest of his life. Women are puzzled by this, "I don't understand," they say, "We had such a great time! Why doesn't he call?" The reason is that the guy, using the linear guy thought process, has realized that if he takes her out again, he'll probably like her even more, so he'll take her out again, and eventually they'll fall in love with other, and they'll get married, and they'll have children, and then they'll have grandchildren, and eventually they'll retire and take a trip around the world, and they'll be walking hand-in-hand on some spectacular island in the South Pacific, reminiscing about the lifetime of experiences they've shared together, and then several naked international fashion models will walk up and invite him to join them in a hot tub, and he won't be able to do it.



Squish Date 02/08/1999

Back to Squish Archives