I'm writing to you to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my mom told me it was the best.

In fact, about a month ago, while at my mother-in- law's house, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. She started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing lead to another and I had a lot of her blood on my white blouse, as well.

I tried to get the stain out using her bargain detergent, but it wouldn't come out. On my way home, I stopped and got a jug of liquid Tide and all of the stains came out. So well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative! I thank you, once again, for a great product.

Now I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Dear Hefty:....