A Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

In a bar: "My wife thinks I put football before marriage, even though we just celebrated our third season together."

Try to remember that, with the exception of your parents and your children, most people will consider you an adult.

The world is divided into haves and have-nots: those who have a sense of humor and those who do not.

My husband and I married for better or worse... He couldn't do better and I couldn't do worse

When the letters on a page begin to thrash about and attack each other, it's probably time to turn off the light and go to sleep.