I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.

I've spent most of my life golfing. the rest I've just wasted.

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five

Give me golf clubs, fresh air & a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill-adapted for the purpose.

Gone golfin' ... be back about dark thirty.

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.