* They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.

* All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

* Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.

* You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

* Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

* The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

* When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

* The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

* You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once."

* No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

* You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.

* All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.