PROBLEM: Two books are for sale. Which to buy? "Titanic" or "My Life"by Bill Clinton?

Titanic: $29.99

Clinton: $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read

Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist

Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar

Clinton: Ditto for Bill

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined

Clinton: Ditto for Monica

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit

Clinton: Let's not go there

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry

Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life

Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen

Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death

Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary...basically the same thing