*Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?

*If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.

*The difference between tax avoiding and evasion is 10 Years.

*Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

*A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.

*For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients.

*Bacon & eggs - Hens are involved but pigs are committed.

*Which is the non-smoking lifeboat?

*Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

*Paper clips are the larval stage of coat hangers.

*Grow your own Dope - Plant a Politician.

*Contents may have settled out of court.

*A day without sunshine is like night.

*5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.

*Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.

*Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!

*Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

*The trouble with political jokes is they get elected.

*Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.

*After four decimal places, nobody cares.

*A crowded elevator smells different to a midget.

*Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.

*A penny saved is a government oversight.

*Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark.

*I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

*I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

*Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

*The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

*When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

*Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.