"Contributions"

Even though I was an engineering student at the
University of Maryland, chemistry was a required
course in my day. The Professor, on the first day
of class, asked everyone to name the most
outstanding contribution chemistry had made to
society.

When my turn came, I answered, "Blondes!"

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"Ingenuity"

In one class, the Professor asked anyone to explain
how they would measure the height of a building
using an Aneroid Barometer. One student, short
of knowledge but long on ingenuity replied, "I would
lower the barometer on a string and measure the
string."

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"Capital Gain?"

The professor of an economics class asked for
an example of unremunerative outlay of capital.
One student replied, "Taking one's sister out to
dinner and the movies."

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"Incidentally"

Jumping back in time again, when I was attending
the University of Maryland, I was asked by the
bursar's office to pay a $20 "Incidental Fee." I asked
them how many incidents that entitled me to.

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"Coach"

A coach was being congratulated on getting a lifetime
contract at a famous medical school. "I guess it's all
right," he said, "but the last time when the coach had
a bad year, the President called him to his office,
pronounced him dead, and fired him."

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"Drown Me"

A soft whistle came from the rear of the chemistry
lab as a really curvaceous coed in a tight-fitting
outfit walked across the front of the room.
"Relax," said the whistler's partner, "She's three-
fourths water."
"Yeah!" came the enthusiastic reply, "But what
surface tension!"