1. The dog/cat lives here. You don't.

2. If you don't want dog/cat hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my dog/cat a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, she's a dog/cat. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs/cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups/kittens.

The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep. Then they walk on you.