If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race,..you`re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you|re a pansy.

If you work too much, you|re avoiding spending time with her.
If you don`t work enough, you`re a good-for-nothing lazy bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a promotion ahead of you, it`s equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it`s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it`s male indifference.

If you cry, you`re a wimp.
If you don`t, you`re an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you`re a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she`s a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she does`nt enjoy, that`s domination.
If she asks you, it`s a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you`re a pervert.
If you don`t, you`re gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you`re a sexist.
If you don`t, you`re unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you`re vain and self absorbed.
If you don`t, you`re a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you`re after something.
If you don`t, you`re not thoughtful.

If you`re proud of your achievements, you`re conceited.
If you`re not, you`re not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she`s tired.
If you have a headache, you`re a complainer and don`t love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you`re oversexed.
If you don`t, there must be someone else.

And that`s the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
So help my wife.