Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy.

Life is like a camel: you can make it do anything except back up.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

I know it's just a diet, but my body thinks it's famine.

Punctual people have nothing better to do.

It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful.

The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.

I had plastic surgery last week. My wife cut up my credit cards.

This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.