1. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

2. I found the best way to get rid of a telemarketer. Ask them what they are wearing.

3. Why is it when snooty department stores put their Christmas decorations out just after the 4th of July, it's "elegant foresight," but when I leave my Christmas lights up until April, my neighbors just think I'm tacky?

4. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs" does that make the Tennessee Titans "The Tits?"

5. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.

6. A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."

7. Then there is a dyslexic guy who walks into a bra...

8. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ... does that mean that one enjoys it?