Three years ago, after my divorce, I found myself in the position of having to buy condoms, something I hadn`t had to do for better than twenty years. The selection was overwhelming, and I asked the pharmacy clerk for some help.

He extolled the virtues of latex, ribbed, lubricated, colored, glow in the dark (assuming you can`t find it any other way), Magnum size (no laughing), and more. At last, as he was running out of breath, I asked which condom he recommended.

He replied "The condom made of lamb intestine has a more natural feel."

I said "Not to us city boys."